Fresh Fish on Eko Bridge

My wife loves fresh food – fresh produce, fresh fish, anything fresh. She particularly likes fresh fish, yet she hardly gets to eat fish because the majority of what you see on the market are frozen fish.

Her love affair with fresh fish is so passionate that a few years ago when we visited Nigeria, we opted to travel to Abuja from Ibadan by road mainly because she had been told that roads in Lokoja were ‘paved’ with assorted fresh fish, and she wanted to sample them. In the event, we neither encountered fresh fish in Lokoja, nor were we able to sample the roasted ones we saw simply because we were still rather smug and couldn’t handle the flies that accompanied them.

So Easter Sunday, April 4, 2010, we left Church refreshed by the benefits of the sacrifice of Jesus - including the hope of eternity, the brilliance of becoming God’s children, and freedom to live life to the full. Afterwards, we made our way to Terra Kulture in Victoria Island to see a show titled ‘Prisoners Chronicle’. Written by Wole Oguntokun, it’s the story of four prisoners, a warder and his wife, and it’s a satire on Nigeria. The actors were very professional and gave an impressive performance although the hall was rather cold from the efforts of four giant air-conditioners bleeding their cool air into the theatre without fear or favour.

Before the show we had a meal at Terra Kulture’s restaurant and I got to speak to a Spanish lady who moved to Nigeria two years ago to sell building tiles. Who says only Nigerians move to Nigeria?

At roughly 5pm, we left Victoria Island via Eko Bridge which in my view is livelier than the long, lonely and boring ‘Third Mainland Bridge’. As we climbed the bridge, we saw a group of men and women displaying all manners of freshly caught fish. We stopped! Some of the fish, still full of life were dancing around the hard tarmac and in the plastic bowls. We bought some Red Snappers. The fishmonger pried open the fish’s heads revealing their red gills - proof that they were freshly caught, proof that we didn't need.

We soon got home, grilled some of the fish grilled and settled to a nice roast-fish dinner with grilled potato and plantain. At last, my wife was able to fulfil her life-long ambition of cooking fresh fish in Lagos. It’s a case of what she was going to ‘Sokoto’ for is in her ‘sokoto’.

Eko Bridge, she will be back. Trust me, she will!

By Order! – suffering from militariatis infection

One of the notices you will definitely come across in Nigeria will say something similar to this:

Do not urinate here. By Order!

Or

Do not park here. By Order

One of the sad relics and certainly a giveaway of our long and unfortunate military-rule past is the tendency to act military by Nigerians. A good example is that no notice is complete without a ‘By Order’ trademark. Nearly all the signs you see even on private properties are marked with those two words. Whose order? You may want to ask.

What is apparent is that living under military rule for a considerable length of time has significantly altered our brains so much so that almost everyone invokes a form of military lingo, and many exhibit military behaviour without giving their actions or words a thought. ‘By Order’ is just one aspect of this militariatis infection. I guess the thinking is that adding ‘By Order’ to any notice will stop a perpetrator from doing No 1 on the nearest wall he sees when he's pressed to go. I’m not sure, it always does.

Wherever you go, in schools, in places of worship and in places of work, people bark out all manners of high-handed warnings and threats. ‘I will deal with you’, ‘I will teach you a lesson’, ‘You will be punished’, are a few of the militarist expressions now rooted in the vocabulary of the average Olu, Chike or Aliyu.

Even, politicians with no military past are not immune to this virus. Rather than say something like this (as it may be said in some other countries)

‘those who commit crime will face the full weight of the law, or face justice’

Our politicians with eyes blazing, face concocted and adopting a thundering voice, for maximum effect, prefer the military lingo:

‘anyone caught will be severely dealt with’.

Although I admire the courage of Dora Akunyili, she however used to irritate me to no end whenever she speaks to the press after the weekly Federal Executive Council meetings in her capacity as ‘Minister of Information’. I’m sure she never realised her presentations were similar in style to that of the head of a military junta imposing a new curfew or announcing the number of people that have just been rounded up for not bowing to the image of the ‘Dear and Revered Leader’.

I must say that I have come to the conclusion that the military has a romantic appeal to Nigerians because of the power they wielded and still wield. I think we like the way a few untrained soldiers forcefully and illegally take over government, keep people under oppression and end up becoming statesmen. It gives the impression that this is an alternative and legitimate way of getting to the top quickly and easily. We think we like their uniform, their 'discipline', their sternness. We think we make this decision independently. In reality, we don’t, we just think we do. It’s the infection.

It’s also the infection that accounts for why it’s impossible for a Nigerian politician to say the name of the President without preceding it with the title ‘Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces’ as if he’s not complete without that title. We like the way soldiers bark out orders so we adopt their style and behave like dictators at home, at work, in the church and in government to the detriment of our family members, employees, congregation and citizens. Who will deliver us from this high fever of militariatis?

Last word - Haven’t you noticed that the ‘Minister of Information’ position is in itself a relic of military rule? It’s a position created to launder the image of illegal governments. We have however imported it into our democracy. Only communist regimes have a similar Ministry. My point exactly!

On this note, please let me have your comments on this article. By Order!

Why do we... - The Whys of Nigeria - Part 1

I was at the airport waiting to pick up friends who were arriving from the United States of America when pictures of people bellowing at their driver came to my mind. I began to imagine myself doing the same. Interestingly the scene had not played out. It was just my mind playing on me. Why? It got me really thinking. I guessed I had seen too many of such scenes acted out in Nigeria that I was becoming an unwitting extra in this tragic but common picture.

I decided to pursue other things that happen in Nigeria – the good, the bad and the ugly to find out why they are so. You may call it The Whys of Nigeria’. Let’s start the journey.

1. Why do people shout at their staff – There are many possibilities why this is so, chief of which is communication problems between employer and employee. An employee may get his wires crossed because of illiteracy or because the employer has not properly communicated what was on his mind. Sometimes the result of poor communication is an expensive mistake on the part of the employee. Given that in Nigeria, employers cannot be wrong, they vent their anger on the poor employee by shouting or sometimes cursing.

Sometimes, certain employers just shout because they could. Or because Nigerians, generally love to shout even when they are not angry. Often it is also because of the way employees behave – their nonchalant attitude to work, wastage and lack of initiative. Whatever the reason may be, it is inhuman to treat another human being to a shouting abuse.

2. Why do we linger at staring at people – You are at a traffic light and another vehicle came up beside you and stopped. Anywhere else in the world, you steal a quick glance almost by reflex and look away immediately. Not so in Nigeria, here, people stare and continue to stare, even when, as they say, the eyes of both of you become four. It is the same scenario if you enter a bank, go into a shop or a reception area, you are automatically feasted upon by the eyes of everyone present. It doesn’t matter whether you are a man or a woman, it is obviously more helpful if you are interesting i.e. you are properly dressed or appear to have money.

Perhaps, Nigerians look and linger because we are naturally very inquisitive people who will not allow anything to pass our notice. So we linger in order to press out the last detail to complete the picture we are forming in our minds about the person. We also do so to appraise, people, what we call size up in Nigeria. I also feel that because of the huge level of poverty, any little thing becomes a revelation, an opportunity to compare, to dream and hope for the same. So a person who turns out in immaculate attire easily becomes an object of veneration and fantasy and we do not mind even if our eyes become four with the person, the feasting must be completed.

3. Why do we starch our clothes so stiffly – I can understand why everyone wants to stand out in a crowd; must their clothes also be in a permanent state of military attention to achieve this?

I do use the mild spray starch on some of my clothes, but in Nigeria, I have come to realise that starching your cloth is not a half-hearted matter. I have been intrigued on many occasions when I saw people turned out in desperately starched attires whose sharp edge can effortlessly slice off the head of an elephant. To some people, it does not matter whether it is traditional attire or western, all must be starched and they must be starched stiff.

I really do not understand the reasoning behind this heavy starching and I am not going to give it a try.

4. Why do we have excess luggage when travelling – I once sat beside a Scottish gentleman on a flight from London to Lagos. We got talking, and once he felt relaxed with me, he excitedly asked me the question, Why is it that Nigerians almost always pack excess luggage when flying? I responded by saying that I too paid for an excess luggage.

The issue of excess luggage is as Nigerian as Lagos is Nigerian. We pack a lot of things into our luggage because there are just too many people for whom we have to buy gifts given the extended family system and because it is expected. We also like to take the maximum advantage of things, so if the luggage allowance is 32kg, a Nigerian believes, this must not be allowed to pass, therefore, his bag must be exactly 32kg or slightly more. We also find ourselves caught in this matter because we choose not to prepare for our journey in time, do not weigh our luggage, assume that we will be all right, and then find out at the airport that none of the assumptions line up to reality.

At the former hub of British Airways in Heathrow Terminal 4, a special section is reserved for weighing the luggage of passengers traveling to Nigeria. Interesting!

5. Why do we say 'You are welcome' when welcoming people – Still on the airport thing, have you noticed that whenever you arrive at the airport, everyone you meet - immigration officers, custom officials, cleaners greet people by saying ‘you are welcome’.

In its right usage, ‘You are welcome’ is a phrase which is said in response to someone who had thanked you for something. You may also respond by saying ‘don't mention it’, or ‘no thanks are needed, or ‘my pleasure’, or ‘I was glad to do it’. For example, if I say ‘Thanks for the gift’, the response can be, ‘You are welcome’.

No doubt, wrongly using ‘You are welcome’ as a form of greeting people on their arrival is because people think the phrase could be used interchangeably with the simple ‘welcome’. It is more probable that ‘you are welcome’ as a greeting is a literal translation of the Yoruba ‘e kaabo’.

6. Why do we like Jollof Rice – A few years ago, I found out that Jollof Rice most likely originated from the Wolof people of The Gambia. There, it is called ‘Benachin’ meaning ‘one pot’ because in their version of Jollof Rice, everything is cooked in the same pot including the meat.

Irrespective of where Jollof Rice originates and never mind that ‘Jollof’ rhymes with ‘Wolof’, Jollof Rice has been claimed by the larger and more aggressive Nigeria as its own.

Given the population of Nigeria, it is not unlikely that more Nigerians eat Jollof Rice in one day than Gambians do in two years. Although, there are several regional meals that defines the different ethnic groups in Nigeria, yet no event is complete without an adequate supply of Jollof Rice. It is the delicacy for children and young people. It is the delicacy at weddings, christening, funeral, Christmas, on all occasions. Nigerians love Jollof Rice, period.

I’m not sure why we do, except for the fact that I know if it is well cooked, Jollof Rice dishes especially when cooked with firewood is mouth-wateringly tasty.

No Light, No Fuel, No President

It's Christmas Eve. Below are some of the newspaper headlines of the last two weeks in Nigeria. If anything, it should alert all Nigerians, home and abroad to the monumental challenge before us. I hope it does.

• "President in Absentia - Day 31"
• "Yar'Adua’s absence: Ministers, directors disagree over unspent 2009 allocations."
• "Yar'Adua can rule from anywhere says Anodoakaa"
• "Money laundering: EFCC, Delta elders reject Ibori’s acquittal."
• "Supreme Court clears Soludo for Anambra poll."
• "6000 megawatts no longer possible this year - FG"
• "Maduekwe spends 2.7 billion Naira on foreign trips"
• "70% of Nigerians are poor-African Peer Review Mechanism Report."
• "Two more Nigerians ask court to declare Yar'Adua unfit to rule."
• "FEC approves 7 billion Naira contract for Vice President's new residence."
• "Fuel scarcity takes toll on inter-state travels."
• "6000 mega-watts lie."
• "Collapsed substation causes blackout in Lagos."
• "Police need spiritual cleansing says Osayande"
• "Shell to dump Nigeria’s oil fields."
• "Tragedy as truck kills 65 persons."
• "15bn fraud: I’m relaxed says Bafarawa."
• "EFCC arraigns Chikwe over 40million Naira fraud."
• "No federal road project completed in 2009 –FG."
• "Fuel: govt to investigate missing 90 million litres."
• "EFCC traces 11 houses in US to Cecilia Ibru."
• "Bankole (House Speaker) promises traditional rulers role in constitution."
• "Akingbola is not beyond our control – CBN boss."
• "Sanusi (Central Bank Governor) confirms receiving bids for rescued banks."
• "Appeal court dismisses Bode George, others’ application."
• "Ex- NYSC DG flays calls to scrap scheme."
• "El-Rufai sues IG, AGF over arrest warrant."
• "Senate, Foreign Affairs Ministry’s face-off deepens."
• "NDLEA arrests three suspects with 265 bags of cannabis."
• "Bakassi returnees seek S’South governors’ assistance."
• "Reps order NNPC, MDAs to remit N460.3bn to treasury."
• "Shell shuts down Soku Gas Plant."
• "Why 2009 Niger-Delta Ministry budget failed."
• "Solid minerals can contribute 20% GDP- FG."
• "Kolade advises pupils on leadership."
• "Yar’Adua: Aondoakaa under fire over comment."
• "Senate summons Akunyili, Muhtar over N8.2bn NTA equipment contract."
• "Bafarawa, eight others get bail."
• "Ex-militants seize bank in Calabar."
• "Nigeria can win Nations Cup"

Merry Christmas to all our readers. PostcardfromLagos

Remembrance Day in Britain and the Four-hour black-out in Brazil

Two things that got me thinking today

1. 1. Armistice Day – As they have done for several years, Britain stood still again today at the 11^th hour of the 11^th day of the 11^th month. Originally to commemorate the end of World War I, 91 years ago, it is now the day of remembrance for fallen soldiers in all wars. This year’s Remembrance Day is particularly poignant because of the increasing number of casualties from the war in Afghanistan. Only yesterday, six of the fallen heroes were repatriated to Britain fuelling a serious discussion about British involvement in the war.

Another dimension to this year’s event is that for the very first time, there is no survivor from the Great War to witness the 2009 ceremony, the last three men to have fought in the First World War - Bill Stone, Henry Allingham and Harry Patch - have all died since the 2008 Remembrance Day.

I must confess that I admire the way the British honour their war heroes. The ceremony of repatriating bodies of fallen soldiers is soberingly colourful and is usually handled with dignity and respect for the dead and their families. Each fallen soldier is named and remembered in Parliament by the Prime Minister and leaders of the main political parties. Two weeks before Remembrance Day, people start to wear a poppy to remember the fallen dead.

Also, come rain or shine, the Royal Family and leading politicians in the country will unfailingly throng out side by side on Remembrance Sunday (the nearest Sunday to Armistice Day) to pay their respect to the war dead by laying wreaths at the Cenotaph. The Last Post is played and the the men and women who have made the ultimate sacrifice for the freedom enjoyed by all are remembered.

Britain is a country that honours its people, dead or alive. No wonder; it needs no re-branding process to make its citizens patriotic. I wish our government in Nigeria will begin to honour our people starting with the living by providing basic health care, good roads, education for children and food and water for the poor. I hope it will honour those who die in war and on our roads by ensuring that the causes are eliminated.

I am optimistic this will happen.

2. The Four-hour black-out in Brazil that made the news – I was minding my own business in my house, generator blaring and slowly deafening everyone around when I saw on Sky News that a four-hour electricity failure in Brazil had thrown a large section of the country into darkness. The cause of this 'newsworthy' story was a problem with a 14,000 megawatt hydro-electric station that supplies 20% of Brazil’s energy needs. I couldn’t help, but notice this rather ‘important’story that made Sky News simply because of the following:

· Only a few years ago, Brazil was essentially a developing country just like Nigeria, it has now left us in the shade

· Power failure, black-out, power-cut or the more prosaic Nigerian way ‘they have taken the light’ must be a rather uncommon thing in Brazil for it to make Sky News

· Never mind a black-out that covered a large section of Brazil for four hours, 100% of Nigeria i.e 140 million people are permanently thrown into darkness EVERYday.

· Our President has promised 6000 megawatt electricity generation by December this year. Let me make a prediction, come December, the government will accuse anything and everything as the reason why they can not achieve this.

· Sky news will have sufficient news fodder if it only reports on the enduring Nigerian black-out.

I am however optimistic that the day will come when a four-hour black-out in Nigeria will be a newsworthy story across the globe. PostcardfromLagos

An Independence Eve Experience

On the evening of the 30^th September 2009, I made my way to Ikeja to speak at the Independence Day programme of the Nigerian Conference of Christian Medical and Dental Students. Although the traffic was heavy and tiring, I was more concerned with the way the country was drifting. A few days before, our President had chosen to go to Saudi Arabia ostensibly to attend the opening of a new University of Science and Technology rather than attend the opening of the General Assembly of the United Nations. He was also meant to hold a meeting with the US President and network with a dozen other world leaders. Why did he not go? A commentator suggested 'stage fright'. But jokes apart, it appears that Nigeria has lost its confidence. The leadership mileage that was gained during the Obasanjo era has been completely wiped off in just over two years of this government, leaving the stage for Libya, South Africa and Ghana to determine the pace for Africa.

I was also concerned by the irony of the Saudi trip. There, was Yar’Adua basking in Saudi Arabia’s glory of a new University of Science and Technology - reputedly built in 18 months - yet Nigeria’s universities had been shut for three months due to a strike action by lecturers.

Much as I was concerned about these issues, what was more disconcerting was the steady unwillingness of this government to initiate or implement any policy that will make life easier for Nigerians. It’s like being ruled by a group of psychotic children who can’t govern but want to govern. Sadly, like a drowning man, most Nigerians have resigned to fate.

As you may imagine, these thoughts plagued my mind until I finally arrived at my destination with a few minutes to spare. Once I got there, I delved into the swing of things. Although many Nigerians had understandably concluded there was nothing to celebrate, these Lagos State Teaching Hospital medical students, in their patriotic fervour, had planned the event to celebrate Nigeria’s independence and seek a way forward for the country. Though lecturers were still on strike, they had stayed behind because they receive their lectures at the hospital and apparently because medical students hardly get a holiday let alone be moved by a 'mere' lecturers' strike.

I started by telling the story of my unsuccessful attempts to study medicine and how this quest shaped my teenage years. I then discussed with them how they can be instruments in God’s hands to shape our nation for good. I was impressed by their enthusiasm for the country despite the very challenging situation they face as medical students. They would meet again later that evening for a vigil at midnight 1^st of October to pray for Nigeria. They would visit the hospital wards in the morning to spend time with patients and they have also planned a visit to Ikoyi Prison on October the 10th.

I was amazed at their resourcefulness. They are young Nigerians with little means and a hectic schedule, yet they are painting a different and may I say 'goodly' picture of the country.

At the end of the programme, their President, Seyi Awhangasi, closed the meeting by asking everyone to rise and sing the second part of our national anthem:

O God of creation

Direct our noble cause

Guide our leaders right

Help our youth the truth to know

In love and honesty to grow

And living just and true

Great lofty heights attain

To build a nation where peace

And justice shall reign

We all chorused those beautiful words hoping that every line of it will come to pass and soon too. With this I departed full of hope for my country and clearly full of joy after an interesting evening.

On this our Independence month, Nigerian or not, please spare a prayer for Nigeria.

Rapid, Striking and Extroverted Nigerian Rain

It rained heavily this morning. Fast and furious, water gushed down from the sky continuously for about two hours. Although it was already 7 am, I pulled the curtains and had an extended stay in bed. After all, it's Saturday.

The rain was a welcome idea after the traditional August break which meant that we had little or no rain in nearly six weeks.

I love when it rains in Nigeria, especially at night and in the early mornings. Apart from it’s calming and sleep-lulling effects, rain is a sign that God still remembers us. Rain also means that seeds will grow and people will eat and life will continue.

Quite unlike the British rain which is scanty, intermittent and cold, rain in Nigeria is rapid, gregarious and cool with a soothing feeling to boot. Makes me wonder if the 'extroverted' rain that falls in Nigeria ever visits Europe, the aftermath flood will almost certainly cast Noah’s flood into the shade.

The 7 Wonders of Nigeria - Pure Water

Nigerians have a way of adulterating anything. For example, ‘pure water’ which is the name given to water sold in plastic sachets is anything but pure. Practically anyone can start a ‘pure water’ business; all that is required is to dig a well in the backyard and buy a sealing machine. However, NAFDAC, the agency that oversees food and drugs administration has done some work in cleaning up the industry although this is scarcely an invitation to drink ‘pure water’.

‘Pure water’ is hawked everywhere by young and old people alike and its sachets have become a nuisance and a danger to the Nigerian environment. You will find them everywhere - drains, along the road, and even on the highways. Along with discarded plastic bottles, they are certainly a huge environmental time bomb.

In defence of ‘pure water’, I must say that it provides a service to the nation as the cheapest and most flexible way of quenching the thirst of the average Joe in the searing heat of a Nigerian afternoon.

As part of its metamorphosis, the name ‘pure water’ has evolved to derogatively refer to anything that is ‘common’. This includes certain telephone handsets such as Nokia 3310 - an accessory you should never be caught dead with. Even the rich are not spared; Mercedes Benz M Class is also referred to as pure water in some quarters as it is believed to be ‘common’. Can you believe this? This is Nigeria for you.

On its own, pure water would not have made it to our list, however, for its service to the Nigerian masses and for all the other things it stands for including all that is ‘common’, ‘pure water’ is a wonder of Nigeria.

10 things I never imagined I would do – Part 2

In the last post, I started a series on ‘10 things I never imagined I would do’, please find below the continuation of the series. You may need to read part 1 to grasp the full gist of the series:

Sleeping under a mosquito net – This is a pragmatic strategy to ward off mosquitoes and of course malaria. The reality of malaria is that if you don’t get bitten by mosquitoes, you can’t get malaria.

I have never been a fan of mosquitoes and I am aware of the fact that they are one of the greatest killing machines in sub-Saharan African. I also know that some countries in the West have been able to eradicate malaria and that if we have the political will and the determination, we can do the same in Nigeria. In the interim, I tuck myself under a mosquito net every night with all the attendant restrictions. On at least three occasions, some renegade mosquitoes have succeeded in entering the net with me. I’m sure you need no guesses to know that they feasted on me with reckless abandon. Hmmmm!

I also do make sure that my feet are covered during the day, so I wear a pair of socks even at home. For some weird reasons I have not been able to figure out, mosquitoes seem not to summon the courage to bite me anywhere around the head – ears, face, and neck.

I have also made it one of my lifelong ambitions to continue to campaign for the eradication of malaria and have written position papers on this. For now, I will continue to sleep under a mosquito net at night and wear socks during the day. Hmmmmm!

Crossing the motorway – I don’t mean jaywalking. As dangerous as jaywalking is, it is small change compared to having to first join a fast-flowing traffic, then make a u-turn to the other side of the main motorway that links the rest of the country with Lagos each time I have to leave home. This was a scary experience for me when I first had to do it as a passenger. It’s still a scary thing to do with oncoming vehicles screaming down on you. Whoever you are, you cross this motorway on a wing and a prayer.

Is there an alternative? Yes there is. The alternative route is under the bridge that carries both stretches of the motorway to and outside Lagos. However, this route is generally not recommended at certain times of the day given its past notoriety for armed robbery. So most people ignore it altogether. Is this a justification for a suicidal dash across the motorway?, Hmmmmmm!

Opportunity to haggle – This has become a most interesting aspect of living in Nigeria. In Britain, there is no such thing as haggling, you go into a shop and pay the displayed price for goods. All the cards are also held by the seller, few buyers, if any, will ever dare to ask for a price reduction.

In Nigeria however, haggling is the norm and it is always expected. As a result of this expectation, it is factored into the price communicated to buyers. Initially, I used to convert prices to their ‘£’ equivalent and pay without quibbling because they generally appeared reasonable. Nowadays, I feel I am an expert ‘haggler’ to the extent that I sometimes feel guilty after cutting the price very drastically. Depending on the item, I might offer 40% of the communicated price to start with.

Haggling is a game of wits, it’s about reading the psyche of the other person, and in haggling, who dares the most wins. In reality, the seller probably wins all the time as it is inconceivable that any one will intentionally make a loss.

More than anything else, haggling is a communication experience, some verbal, some non-verbal, some primordial and some contemporary. It is also a social experience that employs all of our thinking, persuasive and emotional skills. It is often like an accused person pleading before the judge for mercy, except in this case, it is very difficult to decide who is who. I enjoy all of these different aspects of haggling and in my forays to the United Kingdom, I no longer feel restricted to ask for a bargain and very interestingly, I often get them. Hmmmmmmm!

Going native – That’s how people refer to wearing our traditional attires. I have found that the designers of our style of dressing must have been geniuses. Excluding the male ‘agbada’ – the third layer which is more commonly worn for grand occasions – our traditional style sits perfectly with our weather and provides perfect comfort for both male and female. I have come to appreciate this.

The style I love the most is what is referred to as ‘old school’. It comprises of a pair of trousers and a simple top, usually close fitting and with little or no embroidery on it. It’s a leaner and slimmer reincarnation of the buba and soro of the past which is why the ‘old school’ appellation.

I would really love to go 'old school' on a permanent basis; however a suit is still the acceptable mode of dressing for corporate Nigeria until of course you become a ‘Mandela’ and wear what you like. I do not for a minute despise the suit and tie; it’s just that our style of dressing suits our weather the most and I always look forward to going native. Hmmmmmmmm!

Drive in Lagos at night – To drive in Lagos in the first place is an achievement given the frenetic, free for all driving style characterised of most drivers. Driving at night is considered a dangerous game by most people for many reasons. This includes the risk of armed robbery, vehicle breakdown, accident etc. Considering the fact that most roads are unlit and there are several unexpected potholes, it is certainly unwise to attempt to drive at night. However, like many other people, I have found myself not only having to drive in Lagos at night but sometimes travelling to other parts of the country in the late hours. Whatever may be the reasons for driving at night and in the dark, I am aware of how far I have come – from believing no one should drive in Lagos at all, to actually driving or being driven in Lagos at night and in the dark and trusting God to get me to my destination safely. As you can see, it has been 'a long drive home to freedom'. Hmmmmmmmmm!

10 things I never imagined I would do - Part 1

Living in a new environment requires some form of adaptation to the culture, the people, the lingo and the general way of life.  Listed below are some of the things I now do which were alien to me about a year and half ago. Some of them, I never imagined I would do, not because they are necessarily bad or particularly mind-blowing, but because they were things that just didn’t cross my mind a few months ago. Some of them are choices I now make; others are opportunities I am taking. Some are good, some I am ashamed to admit, and some are simply neutral. The important issue is they are new things happening only because I changed my location from England to the United States of Nigeria.

1. Carrying a mobile phone – I had resisted carrying a mobile phone for over a decade.  It was my way of avoiding the relentless pressure of the different hats I wore in England. My take was that I could be reached at home and at work, I therefore wanted the privilege of the freedom in between both locations.  I must also say that it was easier for me to do this for several reasons, chief of which was that my work was less than a pebble’s throw from home. Those who felt it was ridiculous that I did not own a mobile phone and wanted me to carry one tried all kinds of intrigues including giving it as a present, asking those who are close to me for my private number, adopting psychological tactics etc. They did not realise that the only reason I did not carry one was because I wanted to manage the unnecessary pressure to which we are exposed in this age of technology and unreasoning and I felt that one way of doing so was avoiding a mobile phone.  

However, now that I live in Nigeria, I have found that carrying a mobile phone is a necessity.  I do not only carry one, I occasionally have to carry two because a service provider might decide to take a holiday on you without warning.  Am I feeling the pressure?  Hmmm. 

2. Storing fuel at home – In the past I used to condemn those who store fuel at home as people who were raving mad. Or how would anyone in their right mind store petrol, a highly inflammable fuel at home given its attendant safety issues? Nowadays, I have eaten my words and I reluctantly have to store petrol and diesel because you need them for generating electricity and also for your vehicle.  I have realised that this is the most convenient way to ensure life goes on without serious disruptions given the epileptic power supply and regular fuel scarcity. 

Although petrol has not contained its uncontrollable and temperamental appetite for catching fire, I must say I no longer think those who store petrol at home are raving mad.  Or is it that I have joined the mad crew? Hmmm. 

3. Taking regular cold showers – What do you expect? Nigeria is a few degrees north of the Equator so it’s summer almost all the year round.  Although I take the odd warm shower, you need a cold shower to be able to have a smooth and relaxed sleep at night, neighbourhood generators permitting.  I must say that this is one of the things I look forward to morning and evening.  In any event, I have always enjoyed standing in the shower as I get a lot of inspiration when I do.  It's interesting that cold showers and England don’t go together even at summer time, at least for me.  Hmmm. 

4. Raising my voice – I have to admit that I now do the occasional raising of my voice for which I am ashamed. Raising my voice at people was not one of the things I thought I was capable of doing. I have no excuse for this and I wouldn’t want to say it’s the people that made me do it.  However, before I am inundated with anger management experts offering their services, Iet me state that I have decided to politely walk away from workmen who deliberately do shoddy work knowing that all they have to do is 'say sorry', never mind the cost of fixing the mess they created.  I also now shut my eyes to people who drive as if they are possessed. I know it is difficult not to be frustrated by the myriad of issues in Nigeria, but it is my intention not to become what I shouldn’t.  Hmmm. 

5. Brushing my teeth with bottled water – This is more of a survival measure rather than an attempt to appear posh.  In my view, the cost of getting bottled water to brush my teeth is cheaper than the potential cost of typhoid. I have also derived a method of using water so judiciously well that a bottle could last for several days.  I did not start this way; I was content with the borehole water until I had a rethink after an incident which I guess I will leave for another time.   Hmmmmmmm! 

Watch out for Part 2!