20 September 2018

Yoruba Demons & The Dearth of Good Young Men - What Must be done!

I got to know about Yoruba demons sometimes last year at a training session I facilitated in Lagos. With lightning speed, I immediately got the gist of the phrase. It probably  would not have been easy for me to grasp the meaning that quickly were it not for the context within which it was mentioned. "This one; he is a Yoruba demon," a lady remarked. It was clear to me that she meant she could not contemplate dating the guy in question.

If you are still lost, consider the way  the meaning of certain words have changed over the years. So Yoruba demon does not mean 'Obatala,' 'Sango,' 'Ogun' or some spirit running around at night to do evil. Yoruba demon is the euphemism for men who date several girls at the same time, or men whio date women with the single purpose of ruining them. They usually have a good job, are sweet-tongued, often bearded', and wear good clothes, but just like the evil spirits of old, these earthly demons prey on single girls.

It is not untrue to suggest that some men, Yoruba demon or not, have always preyed on women, but what is different nowadays is that the current crop of young men not only have eyes with a lot of lashes, but they deceptively, manipulatively and often mindlessly act on them. Why today's men make serial dating the standard is anyone's guess. It appears that more young men are onto this despicable game and they also do not care about the impact of what they do. These kind of men would start a bogus relationship, with their victims, engage in perfunctory sex, and eventually discard them with ignominy. They are essentially predators who seduced women only to break their hearts. Although, this itself, may not be a crime, yet, the experience can be intensely damaging to their victims.

While it is inconsiderate in any form to betray trust, people often have affairs because they fall into it, or they have a momentary lapse of judgement and action, but to go out seeking bogus relationships with  several young women at the same time is beyond redemption. We must therefore question why an increasing number of our young men derive pleasure from playing on the emotions of ladies.

Is there a disconnection somewhere?
Could there be a socio-economic link to this problem?
Is there a crisis of a dearth of good men?
Do we need to train our boys from an early age to respect and value women?
Why do more ladies fall for the sob stories of these liars and cheats?
Could it be that the women are not perceptive enough?
Do our places of worship need to do more to train our men, young and old?
Could this be a demand and supply issue? 

On the last point, there is clearly a huge disparity in the ratio of young men to women, so the demons appear to be exploiting this demographic problem. 

I have chosen to write about this because while the issue of Yoruba demon may seem inconsequential to many people, it is however a matter on the lips and minds of most Nigerian ladies in their twenties and thirties. It is a social issue of our time that requires our attention particularly because the damage the so-called Yoruba demons do to young ladies is a corrossive on their self esteem, and ultimaltely far more damaging to their long term well being than we care to admit. 

Two things to note. Although this phenomenon is common amongst Yoruba guys, the perpetrators are no longer exclusively of Yoruba extraction. Also, this is not an attempt to demonise young men. Not all young, bearded, and upwardly mobile men, Yoruba, or not, are guilty, only that a significant number of evil guys, some even middle-aged, use their gender as a weapon to degrade, debase and destroy women. And this must be stopped.

So what can we do?

Firstly, there is an underlying problem which we must address - that's the issue of men's indifference to the feelings of women. Perhaps we need to start training our boys early in life about the importance of commitment, and respect for women. The culture of taking women for granted must be exorcised from an early age. I cannot stress it enough; this training must start from the home, and it's a responsibility for both dads and mums.

Secondly, it makes sense too that we support our young women to value themselves and not give in to time wasters. We must teach self-esteem to our girls at an early age. This must start at home, and it is a responsibility for both parents. Fathers particularly have the broader responsibility to affirm their daughters, to spend time with them and to treat their mothers well. I know that women are intuitive and can sense predators from a thousand miles away. The deficit that must be bridged therefore is to equip our ladies with the self esteem, and ability to stand up to this deviants and prevent the so-called Yoruba demons from taking advantage of them.

Thirdly, if you are a lady, and have fallen into the snare of a Yoruba demon, make the decision to run. Don't stay with him, don't fall for his sob stories, don't  be fooled by his money and his well manufactured  and practiced sincerity. Just run! And don't look back.

Finally, if you are a man that preys on the emotions of young women, here is a simple advice, stop and seek help! It is not normal to derive satisfaction from hurting other people. The fact that you engage in this type of wickedness is an indication of some inner inadequacies which if unchecked will create future problems. If this is not enough to convince you to change, perhaps you may want to consider this: "whatsoever a man sows, he reaps!" PostcardfromLagos

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